Just once...

...I would like to go a day without being reprimanded...or questioned...or nagged at...or bitched at.

Because...it's really starting to get to me.

Apparently everything I attempt to do is wrong. I'm not managing my time well enough...I'm not documenting things immediately...I react to things improperly, my organizational skills are apparently lacking.

I am so fed up with being analyzed on the regular. I know...it's part of the job, or so they say.

Due to the fact that I have no one to talk to about my frustrations,  having to keep my feelings/opinions bottled up is not helping my emotional and mental well being. My hubby informs me that I'm handling situations wrong, that I shouldn't stress...that if I keep on taking things to heart that I may find that this job is not meant for me. Well, isn't that helpful. I'm sure he meant it to be...he's an upfront sort of fellow and I know he dislikes seeing me upset, but telling me I am doing things wrong...doesn't make me feel any better, I just feel like more of a failure for not being able to let things slide off me like water off a ducks back without feeling it's affect like he can. I lack the ability to be indifferent.

My fellow co workers are too busy with their own agenda to be concerned with mine, which is understandable...but it was really nice to be able to vent with a colleague when I was stressed out...I would feel lighter afterwards, and feel rejuvenated...alas, I have been informed that I am to keep to my own building and not bother my coworkers. Hell I can't even have a cig with my fellow RM directly across the street....so much for "teamwork".

My employer informed me that in several months I would become a wonderful Resident Manager.

...so what am I now? Mediocre?

I do my best to take things in stride and not allow my sensitive nature to interfere with my work...but I am an emotional creature naturally, and if I have to keep suppressing myself for the sake of not bothering people that are supposed to have my well being in mind, then I will eventually lose to my depression which has been lingering over my head for months.

I'm not a superwoman. I am human, I make mistakes, but for the mistakes I make...what about the good that I do? Why does that not get taken into account?

Methinks opening one of my various bottles of wine tonight may help to take the edge off, because nothing else has.

:c