My own interpretation of spirituality

Whoa...heavey subject to converse about eh? Yeah I know...I'm prone to random reflection at times...comes with having an overactive mind hehe.

I was raised Catholic due to my father's beliefs. I went to catholic schools and did my best to be a good catholic school girl...but I never quite fit in with the mainstream ideology that comes with being catholic.

Many a time I would debate with my religion teacher in highschool *who was a nun* and I'd often find myself in trouble for daring to question things about my religion. Basically I was informed that I shouldn't dare question things...just blindly accept and follow their teachings...and being an opinionated and inquisitive lass from an early age...I resented not being able to converse freely about religion. The only class I actually enjoyed in highschool that revolved around religion was WORLD religion..and I found it fascinating...all the other cultures, the other paths that people took in order to be one with a higher power...it was so refreshing...but I had religion and world religion classes one after another...and found that I barely passed religion class but got high 80's in world religion...mostly due to the fact that my world religion teacher was open to discussion whereas my basic religion class teacher shunned me for 'making her job more difficult than it needed to be". I thought a teacher's job was to educate and open one's mind with information, not bitch at their students because of their ability to think outside the box.

So after I graduated highschool I took the rebel route and proclaimed myself as being atheist for awhile...moreso to piss off people who I deemed fanatical about religion. I would grind my teeth at formulated opions about religion and how I was doomed to live hell on earth if I didn't convert. I'd have many a religious person knock on my door, shoving pamphlets in my face while grinning broadly...and it seemed no matter how respectful and polite I was in telling them that I did not care for their teachings, I would be continuously hounded by them until I told them to bloody well eff off. In hindsight I wish I hadn't been so quick to aggitation and explained myself/my philosophy on things instead of telling them to leave me the heck alone.

These days...I find myself more of an agnostic than an atheist...there are many things in this world that defy explanation, miracles and such...and part of me just can't sum up a miracle as 'sheer dumb luck'. While browsing Wikipedia *ah...good ol wikipedia* I found a few snippets that I believe explains my outtake on all things religious/spiritual:

"Religion implies a particular faith tradition that includes acceptance of a metaphysical or supernatural reality, whereas spirituality is not necessarily bound to any particular religious tradition. Those who speak of spirituality outside of religion often define themselves as "spiritual but not religious" and generally believe in the existence of many different "spiritual paths" - emphasizing the importance of finding one's own individual path to spirituality.

Spirituality is seen as a path toward one or more of the following: a higher state of awareness, perfection of one's own being, wisdom, or communion with God or with creation. Spirituality aims both at inner growth and outward manifestations of this growth. Love and/or compassion are often described as the mainstay of spiritual development.

Though physical and biological scientists today avoid supernatural explanations to describe reality (see naturalism), many scientists continue to consider science and spirituality to be complementary, not contradictory"

All I've ever wanted was to expand my horizons and evolve through love and compassion...and although I may not be the textbook definition of religious, I too find myself being mocked for my beliefs by people who feel that I am only prolonging the inevitable, that I should just conform to their ideals of what should be and proceed to heavily persuade my peers into believing what I have told to believe.

That will never fly with me. I respect people's right to live their lives the way they choose to as LONG as it is respectful towards others...meaning no forceful hatred or harm inflicted upon others...and with so many groups of people using religious scriptures to validate their hate crimes upon people who are different (gay people, people who do not follow the majority's religious path and therefore beat them into submission)...I don't think I'll ever become a TRUE catholic...but I don't mind...for I believe in equality, respect and compassion towards all, not just fellow catholics.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! duuu duuu de duuuuu... *hums to herself*

Maaaaaan....I can't WAIT to give birth.

Bring it on, been ready since I was around 6 months...but ah, the waiting...the constant waiting...!

I'm not one who handles pregnancy well...and I don't mean I become a raving lunatic or anything like that, physically I am unable to handle it well. I eal with a LOT of physical discomfort plus I am a high risk pregnancy (I'm RH negative) and omg...the lack of being able to do what I'm used to...many a day I curse at my imobility...yes I understand it and realize that it will be over soon, but I'm a get up and go do things kind of lass and the fact that I can't even get out of a chair/the couch or put on shoes or bend down to pick something up is maddening....MADDENING I tell you! >:U.

I am also bloody well tired of having my ever growing girth being compared to this lady or that lady or this friend or that friend..."Oh I was so SMALL compared to youuuuu!" or "You sure you're not having twins?"

People should bloody well be thankful I do NOT say what's immediately on my mind, otherwise a LOT of people would be told to get bent...and that's just putting it politely. How easy it must be for people to be so 'unintentionally' rude....and the moment you state that...hey, could you just lay off the CONTINUOUS commentary about how big I've become, they twist things to absolve themselves of guilt/lacking tact and make it seem like yer just being 'hormonal'. Ahhh fawk that nonsense. I never made it my goal to make a pregnant woman feel insecure/forever conscious of how their body has changed...I ask how they are doing/feeling, what they've been up to, and if they need anything, not marvel at how wide their asses are or how big their tits are or how many babies there are currently harbouring in their currently enlarged uteruses.

A few people have been smug towards me, saying 'Oh you'll miss the attention you got" Um...no. Not at all. I like having personal space...I'm not one for being fawned over and over...I'll be happy when I get the simple "So how are you holding up?".

I'm also really into the nesting phase...clean clean clean, that's all we ever do around here. Bless my daughters who have been nothing but helpful without any resentment, they are my angels and I know that they will be helpful when the lil one comes, but I'm not going to impose all responsibility upon them so that they get to the point where they resent the lil one...helping is one thing, depriving them of personal time for themselves is something else altogether. My bf is also doing his part to help me without complaint, for which I am truly thankful...he knows that things are going to change dramatically but I don't think he knows to what extent just yet...let's just hope that his eagarness and patience stays intact!

Still so much to do and so little time....better enjoy my ability to sleep while I still can, it's going to be an exhausting first 3 months, and that's if I'm lucky!