*Grumbles* Mind...PLEASE SHADDUP u__u;

I'm having a self critical kind of day today.

Heaven knows why. I just feel grumpy :S

Guess I have a case of the blahs o__o

I find myself sighing when I gaze upon myself in the mirror. I am irritated/frustrated with my appearance. I know I shouldn't be...but I gaze upon my bloated midsection and sigh quite a bit these days...I'm ashamed at how vain I am .///.; I'm thankful my bf compliments me and makes sure to remind me that I'm beautiful just the way I am...but I just feel unappealing...and having to wait things out for the first while before my body starts to slowly go back to what it once was...is hella frustrating.

I know it took a 3 months shy of a year to create my new little bundle of joy, so as much as I could slim down quicker, I'm gonna have to deal with the fact that it's going to be awhile before I get back down to normal. I guess with my impending part in my bro's little sister's wedding reception, I am a tad anxious...I want to look decent by her wedding date so I can wear her choice of dress elegantly, not bloated and frumpy .__.;.

Ah well.

So many things to do...

It never ends, does it .___.

Constant cleaning up this or that or the other...organizing this, tidying up that...and that's just household cleaning, nevermind the list of things I still need to do! Oy! >__<;

I sometimes wish I had the ability to make a clone of myself just so I can get everything done...my goldfish memory is a constant bother, so unless I write it done, guarenteed I am going to forget it u__u;

That's not to say I don't get help...I do, but there are things that I must get done by myself...someone got an extra cattle prod? Anyone?

If it wasn't for the occasional cup of coffee, I swear I'd be walking around like I was part of the living dead @w@;

*yawns and stretches*

I have no concept of time. The hours tend to blur together when you're sleep deprived @w@; The only way I am aware of the time right now is the handle time feature in the bottom righthand corner of the monitor screen lol.

I've been battling my hormones the past few days...I find that I can't help myself...I'm SO sensitive...my bf is taking it in stride and being VERY understanding, bless his heart...he knows I am a prisoner to my own emotions and will be for a good while...he just reassures me and gives me love and praise and help whenever I need it, which is often these days lol

Now logically I know I can't do a lot atm...but that doesn't stop me from being frustrated by it. I have been told by everyone that I NEED to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I also have 2 other children to tend to...granted they are quite self sufficient, I do not want them to feel that their needs aren't as important as the babies' needs. Thankfully they are VERY understanding and due to me explaining everything and the situation that we're dealing with due to the baby being demanding of my time, they don't get resentful...bless their hearts. My bf and I are doing our best to remind them how thankful we are for all of their help and that we still want to engage with them when it comes to school and how they're feeling and how they're handling the significant changes that have taken place...I never want them to think that they are less important...and by the both of us working together as a united team to ensure they feel loved contiously, I think they know we value their pressence in our lives :D

*sighs* I think I just need to be kinder to myself...and accept the things I may not want to accept...because although I am frustrated, I realize that my son is going to be small only for a little while...and soon he will be as independant as my daughters...so I may as well enjoy the fact that I am needed <3

Our newest addition :'3

Our lil pat of buttah, he just melts when he's snuggled up to you :'D

He was born on September 16th at 3:06 am....12 hour labour...thank gawd for our nurse Evelyn, because if it hadn't been for her manually helping him come out, I probably would have had a C-Section >___<; She was a wonderful nurse, so much in fact we took her name Evelyn and turned it into Evan and put it as one of his middle names, bless her kindness to not only me but my bf, I will never forget her :'D.
He's so precious...and a loveable lil guy, very mellow in disposition and cuddly...hardly cries, loves to look around...and just down right adorable.

My daughters were gorgeous lil angels when they were born, and my son is equally as beautiful...I am truly blessed to have such lovely children :'D

My boyfriend has been the ever doting dad, helping me out tremendously and is delighted with our lil bundle of joy :3

My daughters are ever so sweet to their lil brother...and have been amazing throughout my whole pregnancy and have continued to be helpful and kind, without them I would indeed be lost. They are two of the most loving/kind/gentle/intelligent/helpful angels I could ever ask for <3 <3 <3 ^0^
 And now...for the pictures! ^__^

 My girls and I, waitin' for the lil one to arrive

He has arrived! And I am a tired ol' mommy but he was worth the effort

Proud Poppa awwwww :3

My eldest holding her lil brother

At last she gets to be a big sister too!

Mommy and daddy and our wee-est one

I feel truly blessed...I couldn't ask for more <3

Priorities.

Everyone's got them...to some extent.

But some people's priorities are not where they should be (or where you think they should be, more on that later). Even the best people have been guilty of being preoccupied with other less important matters..sometimes life can become so overwhelming you do not know WHAT to put your energy towards first.

And sometimes people's lack of dechipering what should be paid attention to and what shouldn't is so obvious, it's painful.

But no two people are the same. To assume that one's priorities are the same as yours will just lead to ultimate dissappointment. We all have very different ideas of what is truly important...some are selfless, others are selfish. We only learn who to rely on through the experiences we go through.

I am at the point in my life where my priorities are my family and my own sanity. I love my friends and will always wish the very best for them, but I cannot allow anyone or any form of drama to cause me to stray from what's important. It may paint me as being self righteous, but since the only power I have is over myself, then I must rely on myself and what I think is right and I want to ensure I use my time/energy wisely and for the betterment of my little family.

I can only hope that as people grow they realize how to sort through the chaos that comes their way and learn to focus on what truly matters and leave the residual shit to the wayside, they will be happier in the long run.

10 year anniversary of the sept 11 attacks

My bf and I are currently watching "102 minutes that changed America" atm.

Just watched the first tower collapse.

Even though I may be canadian, I am still affected by what happened that day. To watch the people running in terror...to have heard people calling frantically pleading that someone help them...to watch people jumping out of the building....gawd. I am bawling my eyes out.

My utmost respect goes out to all of the volunteers that helped out, and the police and fire fighters that went out of their way to help and surrender their own lives in order to help others in need.

And my heart goes out to everyone who lost a mother a father a sister a brother an aunt an uncle a grandparent or a friend due to this horrible tragedy.

Aggravation! >:U

Yep, I'm chalk full of it.

Had one HELL of a time changing the layout/configuring it and it's STILL not quite to my liking but oh well.

I'm not usually one to let my inner grrr get the better of me, but today...I have no patience whatsoever.

I also feel like no one gets me. I'm getting frantic about the house being just so...nesting fever has taken over and it seems like I can't quite get it across to my family just how important it is to get this place in tip top shape before the baby comes...heck, we only have 2 weeks and 2 days before I'm due, and that's JUST a guideline...who knows when wee one will decide to enter the world.

Plus I'm dealing with cabin fever...realllllllllllllll bad. Can't really do anything about it though, with my body finally throwing in the towel, I'm stuck here. I'm looking forward to when my friend comes over tomorrow, I need to socialize and with having no phone and no one really offering to come by...I feel like I'm slowly going crazy.

If I'm feeling this nuts...how in the world am I going to be once the baby is here?? Oh lawdeh lawdeh lawdeh .___.;