10 year anniversary of the sept 11 attacks

My bf and I are currently watching "102 minutes that changed America" atm.

Just watched the first tower collapse.

Even though I may be canadian, I am still affected by what happened that day. To watch the people running in terror...to have heard people calling frantically pleading that someone help them...to watch people jumping out of the building....gawd. I am bawling my eyes out.

My utmost respect goes out to all of the volunteers that helped out, and the police and fire fighters that went out of their way to help and surrender their own lives in order to help others in need.

And my heart goes out to everyone who lost a mother a father a sister a brother an aunt an uncle a grandparent or a friend due to this horrible tragedy.

Aggravation! >:U

Yep, I'm chalk full of it.

Had one HELL of a time changing the layout/configuring it and it's STILL not quite to my liking but oh well.

I'm not usually one to let my inner grrr get the better of me, but today...I have no patience whatsoever.

I also feel like no one gets me. I'm getting frantic about the house being just so...nesting fever has taken over and it seems like I can't quite get it across to my family just how important it is to get this place in tip top shape before the baby comes...heck, we only have 2 weeks and 2 days before I'm due, and that's JUST a guideline...who knows when wee one will decide to enter the world.

Plus I'm dealing with cabin fever...realllllllllllllll bad. Can't really do anything about it though, with my body finally throwing in the towel, I'm stuck here. I'm looking forward to when my friend comes over tomorrow, I need to socialize and with having no phone and no one really offering to come by...I feel like I'm slowly going crazy.

If I'm feeling this nuts...how in the world am I going to be once the baby is here?? Oh lawdeh lawdeh lawdeh .___.;

Doing some construction here...

Wanted to spruce things up a bit, so now I'm in the middle of tweaking html code for this layout, oh joy, oh rapture!

*tears out hair in tuffs*

SOOOooo...bear with me k? Workin' as fast as I can! lol XD

*takes out harmonica and plays soulfully*

*sings* I've got the blues....mmhmm.... *gives the harmonica a blow*

*sings* Feelin' lower than I should, mmhmm.... *harmonica blowin' commences again*

*bellows* Too much on my brain....as I look out the window at the rain...my thoughts and feelings are driving me insane...! I got those shut off my brain cause I can't take anymore bluesssss *snazzy harmonica finish*

*sighs and gives head a shake* Sometimes being lost in thought is a painful process.

Can`t really think straight these days, TOO many things are bothering me...so they all become fused into one thought process and I wind up not getting any relief/satisfaction from the "oh it'll be ok/it's almost over" comments people tend to give me time and time and TIME again. To think that all of my depressive thoughts are based SOLEY on being pregnant and therefore should be dismissed, or worse, given the "there there *pat pat*" treatment is laughable and a tad presumptuous....we all know what happens when one assumes, right? Right.

REPEATING REDUNDANT COMMENTS IS REDUNDANT.

Just sayin'.

Yes I am aware people mean well and I really do appreciate someone trying to soothe me...but many lack the initiative to put actual thought behind their words, they say whatever is convenient in hopes that that will do. Reguritated cliche's and all that rot.

But generalized statements don't help...they just aggravate. In fact, when I hear the same verbose comments being spouted forth, I feel like the person who says it could really give two shits about how I'm truly feeling, they just want to shut me up with a convenient line. Y'know...such is the case when someone asks you "So how are you doing?" and you, delighted that they asked, actually start to tell them...but soon you see the expression in their eyes as they stare you down as you are explaining how you're feeling/what's been going on with you lately...and you wind up cutting your answer short, because you then sadly realize that what they really wanted was a short retort, they could care LESS how you're feeling, they just want you to state "oh I'm fine, you?" so they can talk about themselves.

Fuck.
That.
Noise.

When I ask someone how they're feeling, I truly WANT to know, especially towards people who harbour their pain inwardly and rarely speak about how they're doing emotionally/mentally...everyone deserves to be listened to, but most are silenced by those who dismiss them or they go unnoticed due to the people who broadcast their problems regularly. People who assume that because I'm hormonal that I lack logic or can't see a spade for a spade amuse me...not a 'oh isn't that delightful' but more of a 'ahhh...is that so." sort of way.

I may not spout off at the mouth towards things that displease me on the reg like some may do...but it's foolish to assume that I don't keep a mental tally of how others have let me down when I was there for them without heisitation.

I remember things that most people forget...which definitely comes handy further down the line.

It's always the quiet ones you need to worry about. It really is...for we're always thinking/analyzing.

First day back at school for my girlies :D

Wow...just wow. My daughters are in grade 5 & 6 this year. Time certainly does fly by...but oh, how I wish it wouldn't fly by so fast! D:

That's not to say I do not enjoy watching them growing and watching the changes that take place...I do find enjoyment in their ever developing personalities...seeing how much they've grown, how independant they're becoming....but still...still I wish they were small...especially with the impending birth of my 3rd child coming soon. Ah, here I go getting teary eyed again, damn sentimental heart.

This song that I'm about to share...is a glimpse into how I'm feeling. To feel both joy and sadness as I watch my daughters grow and become young ladies...what a mixed bag that is, heh. This video clip is from Mama Mia...I love Meryl Streep's voice...she sings to my heart...so without further adieu, here is Slipping Through My Fingers from Mama Mia



Abba - Slipping Through My Fingers
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well known sadness
and and I have to sit down for a while
the feeling that I'm losing her forever
and without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
that funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
the feeling in it slipping through my fingers all the time
do I really see what's in her mind
each time I think I'm close to knowing
she keeps on growing
slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
barely awake I let precious time go by
then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholyc feeling
and a sense of guilt I can't deny
what happened to the wonderful adventures
the places I had planned for us to go
well, some of that we did, but most we didn't
and why, I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
the feeling in it slipping through my fingers all the time
do I really see what's in her mind
each time I think I'm close to knowing
she keeps on growing slipping through my fingers all the time
sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
and save it from the funny tricks of time(slipping through my fingers)

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy the time that you share with your little ones ladies and gents...for soon...they will be full grown and will leave the nest that you so lovingly created for them. Time is so precious...so make the most of it...don't let that time go to waste with "We'll do that later" and "We have plenty of time to go do _____"...enjoy them while you still can, for they grow so fast...it's heartbreaking :'C

My bf and how we met

Well in my previous entry I said NOT to listen to facebook buddies suggestions as to what to write...

But I was surprised when my fella suggested I write about him...and I figured I'd go with it ;D

I met my bf unexpectedly a year ago. I was in the middle of ending a relationship I was currently in...it has been getting worse with every week, and I was at the point of swearing off guys all together. I was visiting my friend down the street and had a child free night, so she suggested we go to a nearby bar down the street. I vowed that night that all I wanted was to be noticed...I wasn't trying to find anyone, or flirt or anything of the sort...I just needed to be noticed...to be appreciated on some level. So we dolled ourselves up and headed out for a change of scenery.

Well apparently he noticed me before I did *didn't have my specs on, can't see long distances* and as we were walking through the parking lot, my friend announced that I had gotten my wish. I had no idea what she was talking about, but she noticed him and how, even though he was surrounded by a crowd of females, his eyes were on me as we made our way to the entrance of the bar and how he removed himself from all the ladies and sat down on one of the outside chairs and gazed upon me with a slight smile on his face.

I thought I had noticed a tat on his arm but it was in fact his sleeve (lol) but he went to show off his tats and how/when he got them and I shared my stories with him about mine. Soon my friend and I ventured inside and he invited us to his table. I started digging in my purse to get myself a beer but he told me it was alright and offered me beer throughout the night, even though I kept insisting that I had my own money and could afford my own...I don't like to mooch, but I think he appreciated me not just assuming that he was going to pay for my drinks.

He promptly moved his chair next to mine and we sat side by side...I remember his thigh touching mine under the table, and how he never seemed to smile at anyone...except for me. We just chatted merrily together, talking about this and that and the other...but every good night comes to a close and before I left, I walked up to him and said "So handsome, are you going to give me yer number or what?" and grinned at him, which caused him to stutter a bit and ask the bartender for a piece of paper and a pen. He jotted it down and handed it over to me and told me to call him whenever I wanted.

Well, we got to know eachother as the days passed...he was working at that bar one night and asked me to come on out. When he saw me he grumbled about how he wished he didn't have to work that night lol. That night it seemed like a lot of people wanted to test me...some of his exes tried to grab his attention and a few other guys tried to see if they could convince me to go out with them instead of him...but I wasn't worried about the ladies or the guys...my attention was on him and vice versa. I really liked the vibe I got from him...he didn't try to rush things or get me to do things that I wasn't ready to do...it was so calm...he was unlike anyone I had ever met...and I liked it, a lot.

Apparently I scared him though lol...but in a good way he kept on assuring me. Seems like I was unlike anyone he had ever met. I didn't want to get my hopes up too early...but I let him know that dating me was a package deal...I had already had my share with guys who only wanted to date me but didn't seem overly interested in my daughters. Sure, they thought I was a wonderful mother and thought my girls were sweet/well behaved...but they never showed initiative regarding involving my girls...but when I introduced my daughters to him...he seemed so genuinely happy to meet them and seemed to enjoy their pressence as much as I do...so I soon fell myself falling for him.

It seemed mutual...soon he was always visiting, talking/playing with my girls, sitting down with me and talking/cuddling...I enjoyed watching him interact with my girls and enjoying being with them, and I loved how he didn't MIND spending his free time with me...it was a welcome change from what I was used to with past boyfriends. He was everything I was looking for...and at long last, I found him...and I couldn't be happier :D.

And now...one year later...we're both expecting a lil bundle of joy. With all relationships there are ups and downs, but we decided from the get go that being bitchy at eachother was counter productive and that the best way to get along/fix any bump that came up in the road was to be respectful and talk it out, which has worked marvelously. He's an amazing guy...he CHOSE to be with us, to embrace the quieter life...to enjoy being a family man...and I am forever thankful that out of all the ladies he could be with, he's decided that there is only room in his heart for my girls and I. I love this man to bits, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him and our ever growing family.

I love you so much my darling, thank you for completing me <3

Preconceived Notions

Word to the wise...never ask your facebook buddies what you should write about. Nuff said.

Anyway....I thought I'd write about preconceived notions.

Why? Well considering how so many people like to have assumptions about who you are when they know only one facet about you...I can understand the frustration that comes with having people base judgement upon you. Presumptious labels have always been a piss off for me.

If you're too quiet or keep to yourself, people assume you're a snob.
If you're outspoken you're a bitch.
If you're friendly then you're easy.
If you're hyper then you're unstable.

It goes on and on...and it's irksome.

Instead of just assuming things about someone...why not find the time to get to know the person better and let them show you who they really are? Not everyone is social or overly open...we all have our demons and what not...why do so many think they are better for not having gone through the same obstacles/demons as someone else? Why base worth on trivial matters such as what clothes someone wears or how they phrase things? Eh...people confuse me on the reg.

Sometimes it makes me wonder what others think of me. Granted, even if I did know and I felt that someone's idea of what I was about was entirely incorrect, something tells me I'd wind up getting no where trying to correct them...because people see what they want to see, not necessairly see what's right infront of them. All I know...is that I do my best to represent myself in a positive light, and for those who continue to base worth/value/judgement upon me based on the past or rumours or assumptions...really aren't worth fighting with.

No sense welcoming people into my world when they'd rather keep to their outdated views of what I'm about.