Don't you just hate...

Been working now for 2 months, going on 3. It's been a very eye opening experience, but it is quite enjoyable, even the unpleasant/random situations that occur on a regular basis hehe.

My hubby and I both work until 5 (if we're lucky >.<) and my girls watch our lil guy until we come home. We get to make random visits to see our kiddies so that makes things much more bearable :D. The girls have adjusted quite nicely to the area, and have mixed feelings about school starting soon...I felt the same when I was their age... to be both excited and nervous..it can feel overwhelming. All I can do is to continue to encourage them to be themselves, be open to people by showcasing their polite n' friendly traits(but don't take anyone's unecessary crap) and take each day as is, and if the day treated you unkindly, then perhaps tomorrow will prove to be kinder to you, that's all we can really ask for.

We're learning quickly, but realize there is still much more to learn. I'm thankful , so bloody thankful that we now live in a nice area, Hamilton is beautiful. It feels good to be productive, feel better about myself than I have in a very long time :/.

Wellll...right now I am taking a moment to relax, which can be rare for me these days lol. It's the long weekend, so it's been a quiet day at work, and I only have an hour and nine minutes before it's quittin' time, so I'm appreciating the fact that I can stay at home with the lil guy and just man the phones instead of being in my cave of an office :P.

Whiiich may have to work for the next day or so if my mom can't get her car fixed...she took my girlies along with her to visit family and friends in the good ol' U.S.A. but unfortunately...they're stuck there atm.

O__O

Van problems, oy. >_<

And school starts tomorrow! lol Oooh yes..I'm livin' the stress free life right now...lol *takes a breath* I'm just trying to take things one day at a time...being positive in my new position in the company, and trying to make everyone proud... which can be very weighing at times...but hey, so far people we associate with are taken with our work ethic, so I must be doing something right! lol

At the end of the month my fella and I will be done with the probationary period, which will help calm our nerves that much more :P. I'm always a lil nervous when approaching something new to figure out, but I don't get flustered if I can't figure it out right away, plus I have wonderful associates and tons of resources at my disposal, so I don't get stuck at one task for long, thank goodness lol.

I think the hardest thing about being newly employed is missing my kids. Granted I see them more than most working people would see theirs, but I miss engaging with them. I do my best, but I want to give them my everything, y'know? I often wonder if they are proud of me... or just want their previous lives despite the circumstances that came with living there. I think way too much, I really do.

Well my lil one is squirmin' away, a clear indication he's about to awaken from his slumber, so I'll end this unorganized mess of an entry and end it here :3/

So little time to do so much! YEEAAARRRRGH! >o<;

Holy crap.

Not enough hours in a day to do all the necessary shit we gotta do before we move. What I need is one of those handy dandy compases that Hermione Granger used in one of those Harry Potter flicks where she could stop time and what not...that would be effin' sweet...but alas, don't have that luxury *le sigh* :/. 
And I have a nagging feeling...that we won't be getting any help to pack...but that's not really surprising to me. As long as we have people to help us move on moving day, I'm content.

Today my fella and I went to meet up with the lady who gave us the job, to sign all the necessary paperwork. My gawd...there were so many things that were just plain common sense...but unfortunately there are those who lack common sense altogether, so the company has to ensure that there is no room for error.

Gotta admit, I'm dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions as of late. On one hand, I'm UBER excited to have a new place to call our own, to have a fresh start...to not constantly worry about finances...to have an actual job *other than doing websites and what not, I have been a stay at home mom for what seems like eons now*...

But...on the other hand...I'm nervous. Too many 'what if's' to contend with...plus, having our 'rents and good friends still here in Scarborough while we'll be in Hamilton... it's going to be a bittersweet farewell that's for sure...but we've had nothing but support from the people we love, and many have stated that they have no problem coming to visit, so that's comforting :D.

Also...it's going to be a big transition for not only us but for our girls... my youngest seems enthusiastic, whereas my eldest is still struggling a bit. There are many memories associated with this house...the girls grew up here...it's what they know, what they're accustomed to. I've been making sure to talk to them about all their fears/concerns and let them voice their opinions about everything that's going on, and I think the talks have been helping. Although the prospect of moving is a little daunting to them right now, I think that after awhile they will settle right on into their new place and actually enjoy their new dwellings.

I think the biggest stress we face right now is the packing! Oh the packing! D: We have accumulated quite a lot of crap in the years we've been living here, so our mission is to sort through the assorted mass of stuffs and discard all the things we no longer need...oh, did I forget to mention we're moving in less than 2 weeks? Chyeah...it's going to be crazy hectic here for awhile whether we like it or not. Plus, we have some other important paperwork to sign, as well,  I have to see my family doc to ensure I have enough enhalers to last me until we get a family physician in Hamilton...I'm hoping our doctor can refer us to someone decent, here's hoping!

So yeah... got a lot on my plate right now, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Besides, who said progress was easy to achieve anyway, right? ;D

Well that's my drivel for today, have a good one folks, much wuv n stuffs.

My children and the children of this world

ATTENTION: I am overtired, k? SOOooo... I'm a bit more brutally honest than I normally am. Keep in mind, not all young people are full of shit/themselves...there are some amazing/talented/giving/awesome young people out there who deserve recognition...and there are amazing parents that raise wonderful children...but this journal entry is not about those lovely lil pixies.

SO...if you dislike my tired honesty, yer just gonna have to either

A) Suck it up and deal
or
B) GO AWAY.

Now that we know the choices, let's proceed.

I'm sure you were expecting a predictable "Gawrsh I lurrrve mah kiddies, dey make me sooo proud, dey de bestest kiiids evarrrr!!!!!!1!" spiel like most parents...actually, these days it's not most from what I've noticed/heard...well, basically, every parent gushes about their children and how wonderful they are, whether they are wonderful or not is up for discussion.

BTW, my children rock...they may drive me to bouts of madness now and then over the regular type problems *cleaning up after themselves, their incessant bickering with each other...my toddler's amazing feats of splendor as he tries to dive off the couch or climb anything he see's*...but they are lovely children who are respectful and kind and have loving hearts.

...but I digress.

This post is mostly due to it being late at night, and my mind wandering through various thought processes...but sometimes it's good to let your mind wander...to explore your own thoughts/dreams/memories/hopes...for sometimes, sometimes...something profound happens.

(AAaaand sometimes you just ramble like an incoherent asshat, HOPING your collected thoughts don't make you appear too 'derp-ish', y'knowwhatimean).

You happen to encounter a moment where your perception of things change...where you look past what you already have deemed is right or wrong...you look outside the box so to speak...or sometimes...you just start to think about the world and the people in it.

Right now my thoughts revolve around the alarming trend of children who are raised with absolutely no morals/values/self worth/self respect. It deeply saddens me to see children/young teens these days...they have no direction, are self serving, expect everything to be given to them without them having to earn it...they masquerade around in either the baggiest clothing that makes them look like they had problems holding in their excrement in their tighty whitey's, or wear clothes so skin tight you can tell if the quarter in their pants is either heads or tails.

Sadly...these youngin's think that being superficial is normal...to be rude as all fuck with complete disregard towards  people, then they adamantly state that they deserve respect...as they proceed to give absolutely zip.

It just baffles my mind. Granted I'm no saint...I had my moment of questing my 'rents...of rebelling *which is pretty damn tame in comparison to some of the life stories I've heard from other people lol* ...had my moments where I thought life was unfair and felt sorry for myself.

And then, I grew stopped resisting growing older and embraced maturity. It was a long and painful process...and it's far from being over, it's on going.....but I'm much less obnoxious and selfish than I was 10 years ago. Realized that feeling sorry for myself solves nothing...that complaining about how unfair the world is...does not change the world in your favour...that if I want respect, I need to bloody well give it then, eh? I worked my ASS off raising my children...instilling morals and values...to show them the true meaning of unconditional love...to show them how being respected feels...to promote and encourage them...to listen first and give council after...to lavish affection and admiration upon them without their needing to be a 'reason' to. I gave up my personal life for a good chunk of time in order to be there for my kids and teach them to be good people with a level head on their shoulders...it's not like some lil pixie sprinkled her pixie dust and voila! Instant well behaved/adjusted children! Nah...that shit don't happen...you have to work at it...you have to WANT to be the best parent you can be in order to see your children shine and prosper in this life.

It just seems like most of the younger generation complains about trivial things...not having the newest iphone, or not being able to get that tat/piercing/nails done/bling winds up being a complete travesty in their eyes.

GET EFFIN' REALLLLLLL. There's much MUCH more that you could be enduring, and you're not, so shut your pieholes. Venting is fine...when it's something valid to vent about. Not getting McDonalds or having your curfew extension denied are NOT VALID REASONS.

It's easy to complain about the so called 'injustices' that you face...when you have encountered hardly anything substantial in your life...we are who we are by our life experiences and how we were raised...and it's depressing to see just how many parents could care less how their kids turn out in the long run because they are too preoccupied with the bills or whatever pleases them...I particularly find it amusing when they are flabbergasted that their kids turned out they way they did through their neglectful parenting...WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?? Honestly. I think it's about damn time parents start talking more openly with their children...make time to BE with them, ENGAGE them in conversation, TEACH THEM how to communicate their feelings with their words instead of letting them silently steam in silence then lash out with their fists....LISTEN to them instead of interrupt them because you ASSUME you know what they're talking about/feeling, DO things that interest THEM...remind them of the kind of life/reality they could face if they decided to throw their education away and embrace the "LETS GET HIGH 24/7 AND NOT DO SHIT" mentality *get them to watch the results of meth addiction on youtube...a REAL eye opener fo' realz.* and actually PREPARE them for the kind of shitty ass people and the bullshit they give and how to handle them without getting upset by their stupidity/rudeness...so they aren't totally blown away when they face certain people/life situations and become bitter ol' biddies like a large majority of people seem to be these days.

Our children need to be taught the difference between right and wrong...to realize that life IS unfair, but it can still be enjoyable...that in order to be respected by people, you have to treat people with respect and stop being abrasive childish over-dramatic self serving twats. To the youngin's who feel that the world owes them and that it's perfectly ok to cavort around with barely there clothing, for the love of all that is good in this world, stop showing off your prepubescent titties and flat ass in a thong/g-string...stop talking rudely because you think it makes you look bad ass *in actuality it just showcases your inability to use big boy/big girl words :/*..pull your baggy ass pants up because NO one thinks that's hot *unless you like the bulky diaper look* and get your ass in gear while you still have a chance to make an impact on the world...start building your legacy instead of wasting your time and everyone else's.

There is hope for you yet. And to the parents who have children like this due to their neglect/indifference... time to grow the fuck up and embrace the fact that you have children and stop doing wrong by them and be the role model they need you to be.

AND that's all...rant's done...it was wordy...REALLLL wordy but, hey, it's what I do. So have yourself a good one, I'm gonna go pass out.

Needing an outlet.

Hey there. Hey. Hey man, hey. Hey. HEY!

Yeah, I suck...I know I know, I keep on hoppin' back and forth from here to livejournal account...but atm I'm having a brain fart and for the life of me I can't remember my lj password...and since the email I used to create it is no longer working...I can't get my password...&@*^#@%&*^#%(! fml. Ah well! I think there's even part of an entry saved that is silently screaming at me to complete it...bleh, my chaotic grey matter will eventually remember it...not a big deal I know.

So ANYWAY...a lot has been going on with me this past while...my other half took a maintenance course and now he and I are currently looking for employment being superintendents :D. We have already had a few interviews and for awhile it seemed like we weren't going to have any luck :c. But... lady luck decided to grin our way and we had a successful interview and apparently we made such a good impression, the administrator has set up another appointment for us to sign contracts :O Huzzah! So we are supposed to be meeting up with the owner sometime this week...can't friggin' wait!

But with good comes bad...that's the way life is. Although I have been DREAMING of moving for ages...my girlies are having a bit of difficulty with the transition, which is understandable considering we've been living in this place *on and off* for 10 years...and although I am still haunted by the things that took place eons ago...the girls don't really have any bad associations with this house like I do...plus they look past all the things that are wrong with this place...to them, this is the only real home they've had. So...being the sensitive lass that I am, I make sure to take the time to let them discuss all the feelings they're having...to let them know that yes, it will be a big change, but it will be a change for the better once they see how our quality of life improves. Also, my mom is struggling a bit with the change...her and I have always had a close bond, and I WILL miss her terribly once reality sets in and I realize how far apart we are *we're not moving too far away but it will be a bit of a distance* but now that I'm older, I really need for her to let go...to let me venture off...to live my own life without any added direction from her. That's not to say I will never listen to her advice again...she has many pearls of wisdom to offer and I'm always thankful when she shares her life experiences...but now I need to experience life without being overprotected...I'm no longer a teenager and I feel that if we don't move, things between us may become more strained, due to how differently we think at times. Distance, although hard to deal with, does make the heart grow fonder.

I suppose the only other thing that's really messing with my head, other than the passing of 3 beloved family pets D': .... is leaving my friends behind. Granted, a few of them (NOT talking about the awesome friends we have who have been supportive and have taken the time to visit and not demand us do stuff for them) have shown to me that unless I have alcohol or something to give them, that I'm not worth their time anymore...but I don't need people like that in my life...I need genuine friends worth getting to know, who like to do things OTHER than being shit faced throughout the week or every weekend...that shit gets old, and I'm not a young pup anymore, I've only got 5 years until I'm 40 for pete's sake...why in the hell do I want to keep pretending I'm young by living a lifestyle that is no longer best suited for me? Love to have a few drinks now and then...love to go dancing and be silly...not a prude in the least, but all good things in moderation y'know? Hopefully I'll encounter some like minded individuals when we move...eventually...'cause I know full well, that for the first bit...my hubby and I are going to be lonely...but he made a very good point... we get ignored by most already unless we have something to give them...so us moving isn't really making that much of a difference. Maybe they'll realize we were good people once we're away and can't cater to their every whim, who knows. A lil too late though, I'm afraid.

Well my youngest daughter has a painfully sore throat...may be strep, so I'm about to head off to the doctors to see if we can get her all fixed up and back to normal. Have a good day' ya'll!

blah blah RAWR! Rawr? o.o;

Random things come to mind when you are dealing with withdrawal.

And no it doesn't have to be drug related withdrawal....missing yer fave show time and time again and hearing people talk about the cool shit you missed, or not being able to have a timmies coffee like yer used to having on the reg, not being able to confide in yer friends like yer used to, or even having to deal with the less cushy toliet paper and having to resort to the sand papery kind instead...it can make you a bit cranky.

Hmmm...strike that. People who are used to their vice, be it tv or alcohol or cigs or even online shopping...when you don't have access to yer vice, all of a sudden that bitchy/painfully blunt alter ego comes out...and lets face it, not everyone can do the mind over matter type deal...some of us truly become monsters.

I am trying my best to just...think of pleasant things...keep myself busy...but lately I feel very...hmm whats the word...not fed up...not angry...just...hmmm....yeaning to go and do things that I want to do instead of having to be the one to keep everyone ELSE busy/occupied. Also...I have been finding it hard to keep my honest/rawr opinions to myself....family, gotta love them, but sometimes you really DO need a day away before you get too honest and tell all the unconsciously ignorant/highly opinionated/meddlesome/bossy family members to stfu.

I must do my best to keep my big ol piehole closed, because...I dont really think people are prepared enough to hear my abrasive honesty...and I dont want to be a bitch due to me not having a buffer.

And so...here I sit...gnashing my teeth together while simultaneously humming a song to myself, either hoping for a cig or someone to come kidnap me and give me a day to myself.

That's what I get for complaining.

Oh yessss....had to go into a long winded spiel previously about how nothing's going on and how I am frustrated/bored to tears about it.

Heh. Well now I have flooding to deal with. Yep. Continuous flooding...and the repairmen seem keen on taking their sweet ass time fixing the problem. They were SUPPOSED to be here yesterday...but instead I guess they decided that they didn't want to go out in a thunder/lightning storm.

See the flooding was originally behind our wall, now they came and fixed that...now we are dealing with flooding due to the washer, which we just got.

There is always something wrong with this effin' house! I am slowly losing the desire to do any upkeep because whenever I try to, something else happens and my newly cleaned house just looks like a disaster.

Now...when I asked for a lil excitement in my life, THIS is NOT what I had in mind.

My gawd...

How time has flown :o My lil one will be 9 months on the 16th...why must time fly by so quickly? D:

And what do I have to shown for all this time that has lapsed by? Nothing really new/interesting to report...just been busy being a housewife and mother pretty much.

Yes, my life is a tad dull atm...and not even chocolate chip pancakes and an awesome cup of java seems to be cheering me up...perhaps the nasty wet weather outside is contributing to my ho hum attitude, who knows. I'm thinking it's a collection of many stressful situations...we owe money, we need to do some significant reorganizing and clearing away of crap we dont need, the lil one refuses to be weaned off the ol' boob, and being cooped up in the house is driving me to the brink of madness, madness I tell you!!

*takes a deep breath and regains her composure*

The only ray of sunshine through the gloom is that my bf has employment, but sadly its for a short period of time plus the pay is inconsistent :/ Plus I miss him while he's gone as does the girls and the baby...I'm STILL trying to find legit work from home but so far have been given the run around...will things ever pick up??

I really fucking hope so :/