There seems to be a miscommunication in affect.

Sometimes I am left to feel that my opinion means squat.

At work, at home...basically my feelings are really unimportant to factor in, and my facts? Those only get embraced when I'm having a nervous fucking breakdown.

I may, for a fleeting moment, manage to convey to acquaintances and loved ones alike, that perhaps maybe, JUST maybe, they should be a little kinder, a lil more helpful...a lil more compassionate than what they currently are...but it only lasts for a brief while, and then the issues continue right from where they left off.

I am a peacemaker. I have been essentially been molded into one since I was younger due to seeing frequent arguments and bitter people around me. I hate drama, I hate conflict, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prevent things from escalating at an unpleasant rate, but due to how I handle things, I am being pegged as ignoring other people's opinions.

Let me clarify, I hear you, but I also can predict with a good amount of accuracy as to how it will all fold out due to people being too stubborn to see how their actions or lack thereof, affect others. Sometimes I make hard choices...choices I know will make someone upset, but it keeps the peace.  A burden I bear I suppose.

I can see the big picture people. I am witness to how things unravel if I don't try to keep the peace. And let me tell you, it's fucking emotional torture.

And so, due to my quest on keeping harmony, I have been labeled as 'wishy washy' or 'I go as the wind blows'. People who think that can keeping thinking that if it suits them, I tire of having to try to explain myself to certain people, just to realize that all my explaining is for naught and they will continue to think what they will.

I just find it funny that when I give the option "If I'm that draining...that horrible of a person as you portray me to be, why are you still choosing to have me in your life?" I never get an answer...so I guess people just want to bitch for the sake of bitching...perhaps they are uncomfortable with me possibly showcasing that their mannerisms/ways of dealing with conflict are not as sublime as they perceive them to be, and they just don't like someone unintentionally showing their true traits to them, as opposed to people who will be all "OH YOU"RE THE BEST" to your face, but lacking spines, they say shit behind your back.

I'm a nice person, and it takes a lot for me to stray from that mentality, but if I'm pissed off, there's a damn good reason.